Lavender laid a second egg!

I've been cleaning since, um, 9 am or so this morning.  The last couple of hours have involved me peeling, coring, and cutting apples with The Violator, via Darling Nikki.  I have something like 7 trays of apple slices drying, one crock-pot full of apple butter-to-be (amaretto, creme de cacoa, cinnamon, ginger, orange, and a wee bit of vanilla).

There are still a distressingly large amount of apples left in the box.  *SIGH*  Next, I think, will be an apple butter with cranberry, ginger, and Chinese 5-spice.  If the ginger-cranberry sauce is still good, of course.

Down in Denver, I got a call from Greg.  The gist of it was this:
   
                        Um.  Your turkey laid an egg, and I don't know what to do.

Like I do? o.O

Apparently, he put the egg in a Rubbermaid bin with some sawdust and put the heat lamp on it, as both turkeys were completely ignoring it.  Guess it's time to research homemade incubators!  In talking with my friend John, he asked, "What makes you think it's fertile?"

Um . . . the ongoing presence of giant fucking male turkey in the same coop as the female?  The obnoxious teenage calling and strutting?

Upon further reflection, it's unlikely that the egg is viable, due to the fact that it's February (and thus still cold and snowy as fuck) and that the hen doesn't seem to have any maternal inclinations whatsoever.

Know what this means?

BREAKFAST!

I'm pretty sure the turkeys are reaching sexual maturity.  How do I know?

Well, the other day I went out to feed them, and Crooked Toe (the tom) was strutting all over the place, calling and puffing up and turning blue in the face.  It was really quite hysterical:  he'd make these quiet sounds, then sound off:

    pew-pew-pew-BLLLLLLBBBLBLBLBLBLLLLL-pew-pew-BLLLLLBLBLLLBBBBLLL

So, being the evil person I am, I started calling back to him:

Me:  pew-pew-pew
Crooked Toe:  BBLLLLLBBLLBLLLLLBBLLLLL!
Me, dying laughing:  pew-pew-pew
Crooked Toe, puffing and turning blue:  BBBLLBLLBLLLLBLLLBBBBLLLLL!!
Me, dying some more:  pew-pew
Crooked Toe, horking his neck out and looking like he's about to have a stroke:  BBBBLLLLBLLBLLLBLLLLBBBLLLLBLLLLL!!!
Me:  *falls over laughing*

Dude, seriously.  Cheap entertainment!  (Get it? :P)



(Not only this, but our mornings are punctuated by Crooked Toe totally going off every 5-10 seconds for, oh, an hour and a half or so.  Yes, EVERY morning.  o.O)

So.  Aside from swearing at goats and chasing turkeys, I (Erica) am a massage therapist.

In school, they talk about some of the downsides of having a home office:  you have to beware of the phone ringing, or the dog barking.

However, they never mentioned the downside to having a tom turkey totally going off as a possible detraction for clients.

O lord, how is this my life?

>.<

You know what sucks?

Spilling half a bucket of water all over yourself in below-zero weather. While post-holing up to your knees in snow.  While it goes down your already-damp boots.

You know what really sucks?

Having all that happen at the beginning of chores, rather than the end.

>.<